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Diary of an Acute Kid
May 21st, 2024
I kept a short-lived diary from September 5th, 2015 to sometime in October
of that
same year. Here it is in its entirety, with subtitles (so you don't have to
decipher my
uninTelLIgIBLe HANdWrITiNg) and commentary.
Saturday, September 5th, 2015
Hi, I'm Lex. Welcome to the diary that is unfinished.
Commentary: I have had glasses since the first grade. Why did I never
draw myself
wearing them?!
Check out this!
Commentary: I went to a McDonald's and got a Happy Meal the same day
I got
this diary. It came with a piece of paper and some Hello Kitty stickers.
It explains that fruit is healthy. And tasty!
Commentary: Bold move from someone who just got finished eating
Chicken
McNuggets.
I founded this book at the bookstore.
My Book! by Lex
Dr. Suess!*
*a author i don't like
Commentary: Specifically a Barnes and Noble. My "dislike" of Dr.
Seuss
is explained more in the previous blog post.
This is NOT a diary, its a journal.
Commentary: Then why did you call it a diary on the first page?
I'M SO CUUUUUUUUUUTE
Commentary: My parents and other family members used to tell me all
the time
"Wow, Lex, you're so cute!". Instead of just saying thank you and moving on
with
my life like a normal person would, I decided that this was part of my
identity and
started telling others how cute I was. Bleugh, narcissism.
This is my journy to become the cutest man in history
Commentary: Whenever I wanted to draw a "realistic" self portrait, I
traced my
finger around my face and tried to match the movements with my pencil. The
result is horrifying.
I think one of the first moments of lucidity I had about the fact I was
stupid was when
one day, I did something stupid (don't remember what), and my parents and
the guests
they had over started laughing at me. I stormed off to my room angrily,
and when my dad
came into my room and I asked him why they were laughing at me, he told me
"Because it
was cute. You do want to be "the cutest man in history", don't you?" This
caused me to
realize that, whenever my parents said I was acting "cute", whatever I was
doing was
probably dumb and I needed to cut that out.
Sunday, September 6th, 2015
Mummum said that we will have hot dogs 4 lunch
"No thank you"
This is because
Commentary: "Mummum" was the nickname I had for my mom since I was a
baby.
It's a corruption of "mumma", which was what my sibling called her. Later
on, my
sibling started to call her "mother" instead, which I borrowed as well.
1. The hot dogs we have has built-in mustard
Built-In Foods Hot Dogs: With Built-In Mustard!
2. After a couple of bites, it starts to become gross.
Commentary: My parents tried to give me cheese dogs once, but they
didn't tell me.
Due to an unfortunate combination of a traumatic experience I had when I was
2 and
my autism, I used to be extremely picky, but especially towards cheese for
some
reason, so that probably explains why they didn't say it was a cheese dog.
So, after
realizing how gross it tasted, I assumed the yellow stuff that was in it was
mustard,
because mustard's a traditional thing to put on a hot dog. I hated mustard
too.
But, it was tasty and had no built-in mustard.
Commentary: I assumed that they kept the cheese dogs, but thankfully
for young
Lex they didn't.
Tomorrow, be prepared for LABOR DAY!
Commentary: Prepared? For what? Relaxation?
It will be the annual Skechers contest tomorrow.
Commentary: Probably a drawing competition I was planning of some
sort. It didn't happen.
Unfortunately had nothing to do with sneakers. Also, nice hands there.
I'm starting to get lonely. As Mummum does not wanna talk with me, Daddy is
busy
with his game, Sissy is on her phone, and tommorow is Labor Day, I won't see
my friends
at school.
Commentary: ...don't you have a computer and a DS? Just play with
those until your family
is free to talk. Also, that's supposed to be me crying with a rain cloud
over my head, but
it looks like I'm blushing sadly with a chef's hat on.
Wednesday, September 9th, 2015
I did not write a section for Monday and Tuesday because I was planning for vacation.
Commentary: A bit odd to have a vacation in September when the school
year has
just started, but whatever.
I made up this comic.
The L
Lex
Commentary: My narcissism once again on full display.
I will
Turn Earth into...
A L!
The End
Commentary: What is the point? There's no punchline. It's just
someone saying they're
going to do something and doing it.
Thursday, September 10th, 2015
I am moving!
(Only 3 word
Commentary: Poor kid was so used to moving on an almost yearly basis
that he
assumed a vacation would be pretty much the same thing.
Friday, September 11th 2015
The vacation was canceled. So sad!
Commentary: We tried to drive up to Flagstaff, AZ, the only part of
Arizona that
snows, but my mother had health issues relating to the high altitudes and we
had to
abandon ship before we even got to see any snow. "So sad" indeed. The
saddest
September 11th ever.
But u know what happy? The new 3DS XL
Commentary: I had just learned of the New Nintendo 3DS XL's existence
during the
vacation... even though it had already been out for a few months. I wasn't
too up
to date with the news until I turned 13 and got social media.
Thursday, September 17th or 24th 2015
I made this sketch.
Commentary: Gives off Drums and Wires.
I invented "wax painting" that looks like this.
Commentary: No, you did not invent coloring with the blunt side of a crayon.
Sunday, October 4th or 11th 2015
My parents had almost grounded me from gum. That is and will be the first
time that I
was almost grounded from sugar. Tomorrow is dentist day, I'm so nervous!
What if
my teeth gets pulled out?
Commentary: If I recall correctly, I was being obnoxious with the gum
in the car and
my mother had had enough.
Moving on from gum to gums, one of my baby teeth had started to loosen, and
I didn't
want to pull it out because it was still rather tight and I could tell it
would be really painful.
Unfortunately, a dentist appointment was coming up, and I still wouldn't
budge. My
mother, probably not thinking too much, threatened that if I didn't pull the
tooth out
in time, the dentist would pull it out for me. This scared me straight...
but a little too
straight, as you will see:
That tooth is MINE!
OW!
What if my parents send me to a teeth-pulling headquaters?
OW!
Commentary: That's supposed to be a conveyor belt full of a bunch of
other
children, and that's supposed to be a robot arm.
What if I get grounded from the tooth fairy?
You are grounded!
Commentary: For... ahem...
"some
reason", I had an intense fear of getting
grounded as a kid, even though when I was, it only lasted until the end of
the day.
Whatever happens, I am scared!
Commentary: I think my dad yanked it out for me.
Tuesday, October 20th or 27th 2015
Today my parents made a big mistake.
For real
Lie!
Commentary: I was eating some leftover pizza with my parents, and the
crust
was really greasy, so it kept slipping out of my hand and into my lap.
Earlier that day,
I had offhandedly mentioned to my mom that I didn't really care for that
recipe of
pizza she was making, so she interpreted this as me trying to drop my pizza
onto the
floor and framing it as an accident in order to get rid of it. She got
really mad at me
for this, I tried to explain that it was just an accident, but she shouted
back at me "I
don't believe you!" and sent me to time-out. I was sobbing like crazy as
there was
pretty much nothing I could do. My father eventually figured out I was being
genuine
and convinced my mom to let me go and apologize.
Neither parent remembers this ever happening and my mom once claimed I made
this
whole story up, even though that clearly isn't true considering this entry
exists. A
tad bit ironic, isn't it?
So, it's 2 weeks since my last journal entry. I want to be on the Guinness
Book
of World Records!
Stick of Gum
Commentary: I had a special interest in chewing gum for a little
while there.
I wanted to break the record for making the world's largest stick of it. (If
you're
curious, the current record is
3 foot 6 inches long. Honestly, it sounds easy to
beat.)
Wednesday, October 21st or 28th 2015
If I were to break a record, I would draw the largest drawing. Turn the page
for my
design.
Commentary: Good luck.
Commentary: That's not a very big drawing... or a good one for that matter.
The diary ends there. I guess I got busy with... I don't know. I hope you
thought this was funny too.
I Do Not Like Green Eggs & Ham
May 16th, 2024
Welcome to the first installment of Young Lex Chronicles,
where I talk about stupid
things I did, said, or made as a kid. Today, we'll be talking about the
paralyzing
fear of Dr. Seuss I had from when I was 5 all the way up until I was 11.
This story starts sometime in the summer of '12. One
day, I... decided it was the
scariest thing
ever. Forgive
me, it was a long time ago, I don't remember the story
a whole lot. Anyhow,
for
the next few weeks until my parents noticed, I simply stopped
looking at my
bookshelf.
They first noticed when they told me to pick up and
I shoved everything into one shelf due to me not wanting to look at a quarter of
my room.
According to them, I confessed that "a book scared me"
after they pressed
me on it, after which they went through my books one by one to see which one
was it. They got to a Seuss book, and I reacted by screaming and crying like I
had
just witnessed the freakin' Antichrist. So, they got rid of all of my Dr.
Seuss
books. Still wouldn't look at my bookshelf. They got rid of my bookshelf.
Still
wouldn't look at that area, I didn't believe them when they said they got rid
of it. It
took them bribing me with an Angry Birds eraser to
just get me to
look at that area.
My parents eventually gave up trying to cure me. One time
my dad got so frustrated
at me whining that the children's section of the bookstore had Dr. Seuss
books that
he physically grabbed my head and forced it to turn towards the books.
However,
he forgot to take into account that humans have the ability to close their
eyes.
I wonder why they didn't try the bribing trick again. ("Read "Fox In Socks"
and
we'll take you to Chuck E. Cheese!" might have worked on me)
It took me until 2018 to conquer the fear, thanks in part
to the FOMO induced
by the upcoming Grinch movie. Also, that Horton plushie in Mrs. Lowdermilk's
room was pretty cute and I wanted to read to it.
Ironically, the Doctor himself would've been as scared of me as I was of him.
---
(c)2024 lexdoes